Being Old

I know I'm not really old yet, but it does seem like I'm getting farther away from what used to be. Kindergarten, elementary school, the good times when nothing mattered except for being happy and ennjoying life. Now it's all about the grades, the schools, not looking like an idiot in front of the entire universe. Or at least that what my life mostly seems like. Even if I'm not a school I'm worry about my homework, a test I have sometimes, or sometimes I even worry about not having a life. I mean I have friends and stuff, but there is this group of friends that seems like they just have the greatest times in the world. They are spontaneous and just go out and have a good time, I wish I could do that. More often then not my friends have other things to do than hang out. It just seems like life is passing me by.

My friends started talking about the future today, and I couldn't really join in. They were talking about at what age they wanted to get married and have kids, but that isn't really important to me. Sure I want a boyfriend and to get married and have kids before I'm 40, but I want to travel. Explore the world, not just the little part of it that I've seen already. But what is a good way to say, I just want to get away from all you people so I can actually be myself. I think I'm much more interesting in my head than I am in reality. I don't try to act a certain way around myself that would just be ridiculous. But around everyone even my family, if I act a certain way I get looked at funny or treated different. I think that's the problem with being around people since you were in kindergarten. You can change, but to them you kind of always are percieved in the same way. I've always been a quiet person that kept to myself, and now that I seem to want to be involved with people, they kind of stay away from me.

Now that high school is almost overe and only one year until I'm 18 I've started to realize how different things are going to be. I mean for awhile after high school I'll probably live at home but in a few years I'll move out and have to fend for myself.I won't have friends that I've been around forever to rely on. I'll actually have to get out into the world and meet new people. And if you've ever been to anything FFA related you would now that it's a very strange experience having to work together with people you barely know. Oh well I guess I'll rant some more some other day.

The years teach much which the days never knew. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown