Being Alone

Sometimes I really think about that saying you know the "Even in a crowd of people I've never felt so alone". I feel like that a lot and I know it's not true. I have awesome friends and semi-awesome family. So I'm really not alone, but I can't help feeling that way.

I used to think when I got older I would move away from my family and live up north by myself. The more I think about it now though I think I would get really lonely. Truly I don't think I could do it now. Maybe it's because I practically fell in love ,so maybe now I really know what it's like to want to be with someone. My mom seemed like someone who needed someone else and I didn't want to be like that. Now, I kinda think I'm getting that way,but I'm not like my mom in other ways.I really don't want to be like my mom, it just bothers me the stuff she does sometimes. I'm probably more like her than I realize, but I'm not going to admit to it.

I was thinking about all that stuff when I was trying to go to sleep last night. I do that a lot too, get really good blogging ides when I'm trying to go to sleep. And I'm like I'll just blog about it tomorrow then I forget or something. I really hate it when I do that. There are two blogs I really need to write I just haven't got around to them yet. Maybe this weekend maybe not.I had a really bad head ache today. I think I got it from all the idiotic people in my fourth hour, I really hate those people. Good thing I have friends to keep me occupied or I'd try to shoot myself, not kidding.

"To be stupid and selfish and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."

This quote reminds me of something one of my friends said today after we got out of the stupid class. She said I know how you can get a boyfriend; basically she said to act like all those people and be stupid sluts. Then we both agreed it would be better to be boyfriendless than be like them.

Over

So finally every things over for awhile. I made up all the tests that I missed. And I'm ready just to relax. I think right now I'm first alternate for the bonus auction,but I really don't want to have to go back up there. I just want everything to let me rest for a little while and not have to worry about anything. I have an English test tomorrow and a bunch of homework this weekend. I have a composition to write for English that is due tomorrow but my teacher said it really didn't have to be turned in tomorrow.

I have to go face a weekend with my step family and hopefully that will turn out all right. This weekend all I have to do is go clean out my pig pen for a hundred bucks. 100 bucks for cleaning out a pig pen can you believe that. This year is almost over for school. The third nine weeks ends next Thursday. The only other activities I have is one more pig show, a scholastic competition, and the band state contest that we now have to go to.

I really wish summer would hurry up and be here. Next year I'll be a sophomore and be able to freely leave campus for lunch and other things. I will get my driver's permit in June and then in December my license I can't wait, but all summer my mom's going to make me drive her around which sucks. By the time I can actually drive by myself I'll be sick of it.The irony of being 16. I think I'll go take a nap now I'm pretty tired.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ouch!

Yeh so my day went pretty good. I'm really tired and I have to make up two tests tomorow, but I learned alot. I came in dead last in both shows but I got practice in showmanship, so I guess it was worth it. I also got to eat calzone after. And I have no idea if I spelled that right.

So after I got homw I was getting ready to take a shower and I reached in to get something out of my moms makeup drawer and of course she has a razor in there. You know the ones you shave with. It's been there for like two months and I don't really pay attention to it anymore. So I just stuck my hand in to grab something and *slice* I cut my finger on it. Razor cuts hurt different than regular cuts and they feel funny afterwards. Also it's on my index finger right on the tip and thats the finger I really need to type with. So it kinda hurts to type with it if I turn it the wrong way.

Well I get part of the night to rest anyway and so I think I'm going to rest my finger and watch tv. I have decided to make it a tradition to post a new quote on my blog every time I blog. I like quotes alot if you haven't noticed. And this quotes is so like something I would say.

“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth."

LaLaLa

I just finished my book and now I'm about to go to bed, but I figured I'd blog a bit. So to start off my high school's band (I play tenor sax) got a one at districts which now makes us able to go to state. Our school hasn't gone to state in like four years. *woohoo* more band practices *yay*. Sorry it's kind of hard to be sarcastic on the computer. I also got my hogs ready for tomorrow without out to much fraking out. Now we shall see how tomorrow goes. If I say I'm stressed TAD (The Awesome Dork) will chew me out again.

Alas I have to leave you with that because my mother is harassing me to clean out Bella's cage, Bella is my ferret, and yes she is named after the character in Twilight.

I'm still not capable of randomness today but I'll leave you with a random quote:

Good, better, best; never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best.

Stressed

Ok so I really sucked it up at the pig show yesterday. I got last in both of my shows. Really it wasn't that bad since it was only my second show ever I shouldn't expect to get Grand Champion, but still I would have liked to not come in last. Oh well anyway I'm really stressing over the county show which is in two days. I have a band competition tomorrow and then have to go get my hogs bathed. My friends have the same problem so I really shouldn't be complaining.

Another thing is my dad's already talking about next year. I don't even know if I want to show next year. So I'm just freaked that I'm going to look really stupid at county. Like make people I don't even know mad because I cut off their hog or something. I'll be really happy when this week is over. Then the only thing left this school year is one academic trip and the state fair show. Which will be alot easier on me because I'm only going to show one hog instead of both of them.

My brothers were both jerks this weekend on another note so basically my whole weekend sucked big time. The hog show ,besides the fact that I lost, wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the stupid hour and a half long pie and cake auction which gave me a headache. I'm sorry I keep complaining so much. Anyway I hope after Wednesday I can calm down a little. The house my step-dad is building should be done in another month or two and everyone will be pretty much happy. Except for me if John keeps being a jerk. Will blog tomorrow if I'm not too tired. I shall leave you with a quote to think on

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” -Albert Einstein

Busy

Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, or the day before, I was busy and then I was really tired when I got home and didn't feel like posting anything. It's kind of hard to think of anything to post when your brain won't function right. I haven't really thought about anything random lately. I'm still kind of tired though and I have a pig show later today so maybe this evening I'll post to tell you how the pig show went.

I'm probably going to loose, but oh well it's just for experience. I've decided now that I think I want to major in zoology. With special attention to wolf studies. The only bad thing is my state does have a wolf sanctuary for me to volunteer at, and I really don't want to go out of state to study. It's not like I have to decide right now anyway I have 3 more years to make to my mind. I'm alot farer in deciding than some people that go to my school that don't have any idea what they want to do after high school.

I'm going to take the Act April 12 so wish me luck I hope I can maybe get around a 20, but that's hoping high. Oh well what happens happens and I can always retake it this is just for practice basically. Well, that's all I can think to post about right now. maybe I'll think of more stuff later.

Official Blogger

Since, I guess now I'm an official blogger. I think I have blogging on the brain. I keep thinking about things I need to ,going to, should post. It seems now that I'm actually blogging my mind has gone blank for the moment but I'm sure it shall return.

I have a question, have you ever just randomly picked up something and had a thought about it? You may not understand what I mean by that but it happened to me while I was in the shower. And no it's not weird that I thought about something while I was in the shower. So anyway I decided I needed to get a washrag so I reached into the cabinet (which is right next to the shower) and grabbed this really green one. It was like an old seventies green washrag. It just struck something inside me that thought it was wrong like it didn't belong. Well, actually it did because everything about my grandmas house is kind of old. Which leads us back to the washrag, this particular rag reminded me of my grandmas carpet that's kind of seventies too. I know it's like really old and its green a dark green. It used to be shag once or at least I think it did now its just kind of elevated not really shaggy, is that possible?

So besides this washrag thought today was decent. I don't have any algebra homework and I finished my book that I started today. It was pretty good. The only bad thing is that I have drivers ed in the morning and I'm nervous about that. I also have to get up earlier to go to it.

I haven't thought as much about John lately. I shall have to update all of you on the original John story later I'll possibly write a whole blog about it. I think that's all I have to say for today so I'm off.......

Blogging

OK so I started this other blog about books. Then I was like I need a blog for just me so I created this one. Oh and I looked up on google how to use blogger. Never do that I clicked on this gide on blogging it was a bunch of crap. It was life express your feelings, well it didn't actually say that , or maybe it did I'm not really sure. Anyway I like to rant and this is the perfect way to do it. It's not like anyones going to actually read this anyway. Or at least probably no one I know which is a good thing. People you don't know in a way actually judge you less than the people you do know. That's how it should be because the people you don't know don't know anything about you which is the whole point.

If you want to know something about me well, my life kind of isn't going so well right now. The guy I really like made out with me and then decided he didn't like me as more than a friend. That sucked, wouldn't that suck if it happened to you? So besides that i have all this important stuff coming up that I'm freaked out about. After it's over then I have to worry about the end of the school year which actually is kind of close. I know that's a good thing but then you have all th end of the year tests, which sucks. You know I should count how many times I say the word sucks in a paragraph. And if you didn't notice I interupt my posting for random statements like this.

I'll try to post kind of often, but if someone actually decides they want to read my blog then don't get your hopes up that it will be consistent because I'll be really interested in a thing for about a week then give up on it. Like Myspace or any other website I join.Well thanx for reading my pointless blog!