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I've been kind of blah the last few days. I really don't want to be back at school. Nothing really interesting has happened except I'm kind of ticked at one of my sort of sometimes friends. I really don't have much to say just thought I should post at least a little something. I've felt like crap for awhile now. It just seems to keep going and probably will until the end of school. I have a scholastic thing tomorrow YAY me :( . Oh and today one of my friends said something that made alot of sense to me. I always thought the opposite of love was hate , Guess I was wrong.

“The opposite of I love you is not I hate you. It's I don't care"

The End

Spring Break was officially over yesterday. It didn't really seem like Spring Break though. But that doesn't mean I want to go back to school either. Algebra II yuck! I've got some packing done though, more than my mom anyway. I had to go to this wedding and reception last night which totally sucked. My step-brother in my opinion told me to go away and I told my mom not really being serious but ranting like always. Then she got totally ticked becaues he left me alon so my step-dad called and asked him what was up. So my step-brother then called and asked why I told my mom he was being mean to me, which I didn't even say. Besides that I didn't know anyone and was totally bored so I talked on the phone the whole time.

Today was pretty boring overall nothing exciting happened. Tomorrow is Easter so we have to go to church. Oh but today at home depot I was pushing the cart and my fan bocx fell over on my light covers and shattered them. My mom gave me the look she always does when something breaks. The look that means it was all my fault. She gives me that look alot even when it was something I couldn't even have any control over. She always expects me to listen to her problems and fix them. In a way she reminds me alot of one of my friends.

I did go to the movies over break. i saw Fool's Gold, which was pretty good. After that we went to the mall. I had to drive all day Thursday. I mean it was literally all day 8 to 4. I think once I get my driver's license I'll already be tired of driving. My mom's painting her bathroom again. Well she's actually sponging over the other color with two other colors. I feel really sorry for my step-dad because she gripes about everything he does. I don't see how we all put up with her.I guess we have to cause we love her.

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. "

Tired

I've been really tired for since Saturday. We've all been really busy working on the house because they are starting to put the carpet in today. Saturday we didn't go to bed until 4:00 in the morning. The guys had to get up at 8:30 but I got to sleep until 12. Sunday we worked until 12 at night then I didn't go to bed until 2 which was my fault. So I've been beat for ahile sorry I haven't posted I just haven't had time. I bet it's going to be like this all Spring Break. It doesn't really seem like break yet, but maybe in a few days it will.

I have serious issues and everyone will think I'm a total freak, but I think I'm starting to like my other step brother now. Instead of the one I originally like. You see I never really get to talk to my younger older step bro because the oldest one I used to really like, and still do, was always around. But this weekend he was gone to his moms to study so I didn't see him at all and got to spend time with my other one. I know and alot of people think it's wrong to like your step brother and I like both of them. My life is really scewed up.

Besides this new discovery I have't really thought about much besides work, and well killing my step sister and making it look like an accident. And everyone has those thoughts occasionally.

“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.”

People

Hmmm... Spring cleaning is technically here and I guess I'm taking part this year since we are moving. We have to be out of my mom's house by the end of March, so over the break I get to pack. I'm really sort of a pack rat. I never want to throw things away,even if they are unimportant pieces of paper because I think they hav memory value. Really though evetunally we lose every thing that isn't the memory itself. Like I'm going to have that piece of paper in twnty years so why don't I just throw it away now.

I guess I'm just afraid if I don't have anything to remind me of that memory I'll forget it. Usually though I forget what I kept something for and end up throwing something away. My friend and I ha this conversation earlier today. You know when you go through stuff and keep something, but a year later when you go through it again you wonder why on Earth you kept something so stupid in the first place.

People tend to have a fear of losing things, people, memories,etc. I guess I'm like all other people in that aspect. I always think I'm going to lose everything. Usually I do since I tend not to remember where I put things. Eventually though I find them again. But what about things you can't find again, like people.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."

If you look back through the years like I do sometimes, you realize how much has changed without really meaning to. Friends drift apart and personalities alter. Back in elementary school, bascially everyone was friends, I mean not like best friends, but we all tolerated each other. In high school though we seem to split into different groups. My friends and I always like to analyze the other groups. Since we consider ourslever the band/nerds/normal group. But you never really know what everyone else is thinking about your group.

I never really liked putting labels on people, but in the long run nobody can really help it. You end up separating them based on intelligence,athletic ability, and so on. I guess it takes all the different groups to make school interesting even if it does make it more annoying. Especially the really annoying,really loud, jock group.

“I'm not judging people, I'm judging their actions. It's the same type of distinction that I try to apply to myself, to judge, but not be judgmental.”

Spring Break

Sorry I haven't been on since Saturday. My internet never decided to work and beleive me I was officially bored out of my brain. My week went pretty well though. I had an Algebra II test and one in biology, but that was about it. Monday we had a two hour band clinic that was really boring. My mouth hurt for two days after. I had to drive this morning and it went well too. Atleasr I haven't killed anyone yet. Next week over Spring Break I have to drive for eight hours. Which totally interupts my break, which is now officially started.

It's not like I really have to do anything anyway. I'll probably just read,work outside,move,and clean. Doesn't that sound like fun and exciting! My dad is going to sell my pigs this weekend and I'm kind of sad. Becasue think about it they are so trusting and I go outside and they want me to mess with them and they don't even know that in a week they'll be bacon, or other pork related products.

That's really I I have to say or think of at the moment some stuff will prabably come to me later. I will be able to post now beacuse my mom's back from her trip. Hopefully you didn'y miss my posting too much :)

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.


The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

Things

So things are pretty normal right now, except that my stepbrother was actually in a good mood yesterday and talked to me. I was really surprises. Both my stepbrothers went to a car show tonight and I'm at a friends house which isn't all that interesting. my mom is going to Phoenix tomorrow so I might not be able to post for a couple days because the internet still hasn't been working.

I'm at my friends house, the one I don't go to often, and she's talking on the phone, typical. She said she was really bored and she wasn't even here when I got here. She showed up like five minutes later. And she said she wasn't going to do anything this weekend and she told me last night she went to some other girls house.

Oh well I put up with her for like one weekend every other month so it's all good. Only four more weeks until spring break and I'm dying. And of coruse I'll probably be cleaning house all vacation, it's almost done though, (for those of you who don't know my stepdadis building a house. Building houses is not fun. And I missed the first four years of the process.

"...they say that good things take time but really great things happen in the blink of an eye. "

Sleeping

This week I've had alot of homework it seems, maybe it's just the week before spring break that

It's getting to me. Thank God it's almost friday I don't think I could stand anymore Algerbra II. I think I'm about to go insane. The internet at my grandma's still isn't working which really sucks because next week starting Saturday night I'm going to be stuck there until Wednseday. So I might not be able to post for a couple of days after Saturday.

Last night I was thinking about something. I take naps alot which made me start thinking about sleeping. You know I just starting sleeping by myself about a year ago. I know pitiful isn't it. I mean I could go to friends houses and stuff for years butI could never really sleep unless someone was in the room with me. I was always wondering, you know what am I going to do when I turn 16, am I still going to have to sleep with someone? Well now I sleep perfectly fine by myself and really don't like sleeping with anyone else.

It's weird how we think soemthing's never going to happen and then it does and you're like wow, that just happened. It makes you wonder about the future, well actually everything makes me wonder about the future and what's going to happen. After high school, after college, and so on.

It seems I went on a rant into another subject. But there's also other things I wonder about sleep. it always baffles me how you go to sleep. How you can fall asleep and go hours without it seeming more than minutes. Dreams baffle me too but if I go into that I will go on and on wothout stopping for like a page. I guess that's the end of my rant on sleep. I couldn't decide on the quote so I picked a poem again by Ogden Nash and I threw in a random quote.

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters

Sleep is perverse as human nature,

Sleep is perverse as legislature....

So people who go to bed to sleep.

Must count French premiers or sheep,

And people who ought to arise from bed

Yawn and go back to sleep instead.

Nothing Interesting

Well so far my weeks been pretty good,except the internet at my grandma's isn't working. Which really sucks cause I can't get online. I'm really happy because I don't have to go to the state hog show and I was really worried my dad would make me go. That means I get spring break off, YAY! I have to drive before the first day of spring break which kinda sucks.

Nothing really interesting has happened lately, things are still the same with certain people. Well I guess we've hit a slump, neither one of us is talking much.I haven't really thought of anything random maybe my brain is broken or maybe school is finally turning it to mush and controlling me. That was sort of a random sentence I suppose.

OH I thought of something random. I thought of this one shirt I have that says THINK It's not Illegal Yet. You can think of that two ways. Either that people don't think and need to or that the government is trying to control us. take it either way you want, but I take it as both.

I got alot of new stuff this weekend. New shirts, shoes, and a jacket. For some reason the mall hade alot of save the Earth stuff. Maybe for Earth Day? I guess that's all for now. I'm not going to post a quote today, I'm going to post a short poem that I like.

I think that I shall never see

A billboard lovely as a treeIndeed,

unless the billboards fall

I'll never see a tree at all.

My Friends

My friends in every letter and every way.This goes out to all of you. I hope you know I appreciate and love every single one of you.Even if I don't tell you very often.

Amazing

Beautiful

Crazy

Daring

Everlasting

Faithful

Giving

Hilarious

Incredible

Joyous

Kalon

Loving

Macaristic

Noble

Optimistic

Perfect

Quaesitum

Real

Safe

Truthful

Unique

Veracious

Wonderful

Xenial

Yerkish

Zappy

Some letters I didn't know words for so I looked up unsusual words, they do have meaning though. I put yerkish because yerk means tight binding so I assume yerkish means tighly bound like my friendships. And of course heres a quote,

"Best Friends Listen to what you dont say"

Suffocation

My friend wrote this poem kind of for me I guess. My friends are really important to me and I don't know how I would survive without them. This poem is Awesome I love it Thanx Kayla.

Cut off my breathing,
Leave me to die.
Slit my wrists
Bleed me dry.
Take my sanity,
Make me insane.
Take me for a fool
'Cause I played your game.
Leave me here in the dark
To pick up the pieces.
I can't stop the pain,
My heartbeat ceases.
There's nothing left for you to take,
Now in my grave I lie.
You caused my heart to break
And you can't see the tears I cry.